Parks, Puppets and Pink Mercedes

Finally got given a syllabus this week, so no more do my lessons consist of learning ‘table, chair, anything within pointing distance’. Its a nice feeling to think that my students are actually learning something now, instead of just putting up with me while I patronise them by teaching them words they already know lesson after lesson, like a stuck recording of someone reading an Ikea catalogue.

Mark Ambrose would be pleased to note that they introduce one of the most important words in the English language at a very early age. Jump. Yawn. Stand up. Monster. Really?

 

 Discovered the joys of using puppets. I thought maybe that they were too old for puppets and that they might think me making a silly voice with my hand up a stuffed animal’s arse beneath them. Turns out your never to old too enjoy a puppet: I enjoy it more than the kids. Thinking of taking them home at night.

Not going to lie - I knew it was going to be a good lesson so I told my teaching assistant to take a photo. Don't judge this picture as snapshot of my teaching career, there's no snot in it for one thing.

 

 Also went to the aptly named Hankou riverside park, which is a park by the river in Hankou. They have all manner of exercise machines which, unlike England, people actually use. Chinease people are so health conscious when it comes to exercise, so I find it a bit odd that they love a fag or two while they’re not working out at the park. But, swings and roundabouts I suppose.

This gentleman gave me a lesson in muscle control. Never seen anything like it, and he was in his 50's.

 

Best dressed child of the week . . .

No Whats Tiger Wearing this week, as all of his good clothes are in the wash. I did spot him cruising the neighbourhood in a golfing sweater and chinos but he was with his mum so I thought it a bit inappropriate to take a photograph of him.

So instead, here’s a picture of this stylish young lady instead:

 

Knee-length Burberry mac, brown leather boots and a pink scarf combine to create an understated and elegant look. Very suave.

 

 

 

New job… Then another new job

 

Not been able to leave a post on here for a while because there have been issues with accessing my blog from China.  Probably just a bad connection or something… (yeah right)

  Started my new job at the kindergarten.  Up until half a day before I was due to start I had been told that I was teaching high school, but when I arrived at the high school it was in the arse-end of nowhere, so I packed up and scarpered.  So now I’m living in a nice apartment with a fake scouser (from the Wirrall) called Scott, teaching 3 year olds English, a.k.a. falling off chairs and swinging children round until they turn green.

As previously mentioned, Chinese children are the cutest children ever (apart from Isaac Reed) so I spend my quiet moments writing lists of which ones I’m going to adopt and in which order.  

 

There’s a bit of competition here between the parents as to who can outdo the others with birthdays, gifts etc.  Me and Scott were given a lavishly decorated box of chocolates which we decided to save for a special occasion.  Then we ate them.  But some of the teachers get all manner of gifts.  Incidentally it’s mostly young men receiving gifts from bored housewifes… Funny, that.

Just a casual little gift from one of the parents from the kindness of their hearts. Not that they're showing off or anything.

 

Also, there is a couple in my class who are head over heels in love with each other.  I’ve even seen him kiss her on the cheek!  They walk round hand in hand and cuddle and things, I’ve never seen anything like it!  Not sure if I’d adopt her though.  Might not be daughter material, holding hands with boys at that age…  He’d make a great son though.

'Oi, Thunderbird... Keep your wanderin' hands off my daughter!'

 

 

My favourite, Candy. They all have porno names actually, I don't think the connotations are quite the same over here with English names.

 

 What’s Tiger Wearing?
This intends to be a new regular fashion section following the trends that my new style guru, Tiger, is setting. He’s probably the best dressed 3 year old I’ve met.

Here Tiger is sporting a green logo'd t shirt with 'No Guns, No War, We Want Revolution' on the back. On his face he is wearing a white bandana which he created from a flannel folded diagonally in half. Very chic.

 

For the chilled effect, Tiger has taken a fur lined leather jacket and combined, rather daringly, with green jeans. A risky manouvre to combine darks and bold colours, which sends out a strong message. Adidas shell toe trainers for the classic look, all finished off with the trademark lower face obscuring accessory. This time he has opted for a paper plate covered in cake, which as well as offering a mysterious air, comes in handy for when he is hungry.

  

And congratulations Ben Reed and Sarah Allen, for giving birth to Isaac Reed!  Extra congratulations to Sarah that he doesn’t look like Ben, which I’m sure we all agree is a big relief.  Joking – he has a look of both his parents and in my humble opinion is a very handsome young man indeed!

Post-Hong Kong

Struck by how cold it now seems in Wuhan since I left.  Strange how 5 weeks in a foreign country can make you feel that 27 degrees is cold.  I’ll be pulling out the three quarter-length shorts soon to keep the winter chill off my knees.  Then before I know it I’ll be wearing trousers.  Trousers! Imagine that.

Saw some of the ‘real’ Hong Kong before I left.  I say real Hong Kong but the wealthy side of the city is as real as the poor side, it’s been around for as long.  There’s a huge difference between rich and poor but a tiny amount of space, so you move from Cartier and Rolex into lock-ups selling noodles within the space of a few hundred metres, and suddenly I’m getting stared at as I walk down the street again.  Didn’t realise quite how much I missed the novelty.

How the other half live

There’s a lot of different things to see in western Hong Kong island so I will keep it short and sweet.  Firstly it is one of the biggest trading points in sharks’ fins, which is the barbaric fishing method of catching sharks, cutting their fins off, then throwing their prostrate bodies back into the sea to starve or bleed to death at the bottom of the ocean, unable to move.  Saves space on the boat for more fins, though.  I saw dozens of shops selling shark fins by the sack full.  Grim.

Top:One of many sacks, in one of many shops selling shark fins.Below: Shark fins in a wholesale medicine shop. The fins are renowned for their 'healing properties', of which there is no evidence for.

Also visited a wet market in which there were some quite interesting trading practices.  Such as loads of people asleep at their stalls, which being honest, can’t be good for business.  So they’ll be going to bed hungry, and won’t be able to sleep.  It’s like a double blow.

Been busy today love?

And in true Chinese fashion, smoking everywhere.  Smoking while peeling vegetables, smoking while plucking chickens, they just love a good smoke don’t they.

$1,500 fine for smoking inside. He must have money to burn (puns on the back of a stamped addressed envelope).

Cop lights, flashlights, spotlights, strobe lights, street lights, all of the lights.

Lot of lights in Hong Kong, lot of lights.  This week has been mostly spent squinting.

 

Went to the night market the other day, and saw some authentic-looking art.  Actually tat but looks authentic.  So I bought some obviously (because it looks authentic).  All of the art you can buy is just mass produced rubbish, but I got this hanging scroll with a painting of a bamboo that looks really smart, but the fact that it cost £4 speaks for itself.

Tin Tin out for a stroll

Not really done that much apart from go to the night market.  Took a photo of  (formerly) the tallest building in the world.   Personally I’d stick a big long pole on the top and take the number one spot back.

Formerly the tallest building in the world? No prizes for second place.

And finally got a good photo of the neon lights.  But Bodyshop had to come in and ruin it with their ‘eco-friendly’ sign.  I want glare!

Bodyshop: the annoying mate who tags along

Hong Kong: the most incredible place I’ve ever been.

Finished my contract in Hangzhou.  Got my dollar dollar bills y’all.  Went on the train to Hong Kong.  Arrived in Hong Kong.  Went to the lovely John and Susan Botley’s retreat in the mountains.  Got struck speechless by a view of this towering illuminated metropolitan that is Hong Kong at night.  No photograph does this place justice, but this is a view of the harbour from the waterfront:

Someone forgot to switch the lights off.

They do quite like lights here.  I think that a neon sign would be good for business, in a street that has no other neon lights. But this is going a bit far I think.

One of many neon-lit streets

On the other side of Hong Kong island is Hong Kong city’s alter-ego; coastlines, quiet restaurants.  Very Westernised.  Some say spoilt – but, in my humble opinion, enriched – by the offer of European premium lager.

'They come into our country! Taking our jobs! Stealing our women! With their beer, and their mustard. Won't use our wooden cutlery, oh no! Send 'em all back, that's what I say! This wouldn't have happened if Mao Ze Dong was still around!'

 

Charlie Chaplin: Jazz Extraordinaire?

 

Saw this on a box of matches and had to take a photo.  I’ve checked Wikipedia and at no point does it say that Charlie Chaplin was a black trumpet player.

 

This leaves only two options:

1, Louis Armstrong went by the stage name Charlie Chaplin in the Far East and lied about his date of birth and date of death.

Or

2, this photo was taken immediately after the chimney sweeping trumpet player scene in a Charlie Chaplin film only released to his adoring Chinese fans.

 

I’m inclined to believe the second option.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hangzhou

Visited Hangzhou the other day.  An incredible place, it’s a city combined with a countryside scene.   The lake, West Lake, is a big tourist attraction but its laid out in such a tasteful way that you’re not constantly surrounded by fat people with cameras.  In fact I was the only one.

Half-arsed effort at taking a postcard picture. Should probably stick to photos of Irishmen drinking from barrels.

Went into Hangzhou with a student called Jason.  Jason is 17 years old and moving to Canada in September to study, and I don’t think it’s an understatement to say that he enjoys food.  He loves food.  All the time.  So he introduced me to a few Hangzhou delicacies, such as fried squid (average), chilli snails (very average), and dumplings (incredible).  So it’s only fair to bless you with a few pictures of Jason doing what he does best:

Jason having just eaten some food

Feeling peckish...

A bit of dessert

That kid loves food.

Looking dubious eating some snails. To be fair they were OK, but a bit of a pain the arse to pick out, so for it to be average tasting but difficult to eat, I think the effort outweighs the reward. Sticking to chicken.